Boobcast

If anyone is still reading this blog, I owe you an apology. I have been getting emails and comments that I have only now been able to approve. For the last 10 months I have been battling severe, debilitating clinical depression. Only now that I have gotten the proper treatment do I realize that I have had this issue since puberty.

I am doing much better and (fingers crossed) my mood seems to have evened out to the point that I am finally not staring listlessly at the wall and am actually able to function normally. Thank you modern medicine!

I’m sorry that I have neglected you all so badly and I promise that I will be much more prompt with comment approvals and replies.

Yesterday I sat down and wrote an outline for the book, including appendices for malpractice lawyers and board certified reconstructive surgeons by state. I have the forward done-an edited version of my essay here “Being Pretty”. Then I settled in to write chapter one, My Story, and promptly froze up like the metaphorical deer.

You, Dear Reader, keep telling me that I am strong and brave but I’m STILL not. I know I’m ready to write the book, but I’m afraid of dredging up old emotions. The up side is that I know they’re old emotions and all I have to do is go look in the mirror to remind myself that I’m just fine now. I’m more fortunate in that regard than some of you out there.

Some wounds run deep. This is one of them. So I’m writing this entry because talking to you, dear reader, has been a source of sanity all through this trial. Talking about the hurt helps. Personally, I’d rather bludgeon it into submission but that still hasn’t happened.

I’m not brave (in my opinion). I just got through it day by day, minute by minute. Sometimes second by second. Most of the time, with help. I’m only courageous in the “Princess Diaries” quote way (Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.). I won’t be out there on the front lines leading a battle charge. My weapon of choice is the keyboard.

I’m still afraid. I’m still emotional. My heart aches EVERY TIME I get an email from someone else going through this. But I’m pushing forward. And much like with how I dealt with losing my nipples and areolae, there will be backwards progress and days like yesterday when I just lock up and can’t do  any more.

I hope to have my first rough draft done by March. That’s when there is an intensive writer’s weekend in Atlanta that I want to attend. In the mean time, I still need your stories. I already have one person who has agreed to an interview. Again, if you are willing, please email me at boobcast@gmail.com. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of your name or situation being published, we can change your name for the book.

I’ve always told you that you’re not alone. It’s good to know that I’m not, either.

I’ve known from the beginning of this mess that one day I was going to have to write a book. This blog simply doesn’t get enough traffic to spread the word about what necrosis is, how it happens and how we can survive it. Originally I was going to take the content I have and turn it into a book. I think that was somewhat short-sighted on my part. This isn’t just about me. It’s about all of us.

It’s about every woman who has ever had to deal with this nightmare. It’s about every woman who has ever been afraid that those really dark bruises might be something more insidious. It’s about every woman who has borne this burden in silence because she couldn’t find anything about necrosis. It’s about ever woman who has ever blamed herself for this when it wasn’t her fault.

What I would like to do is have a series of around 15 interviews with women who have dealt with necrosis and come out the other side. Or even a few who are in the midst of dealing with it. I want these interviews to be raw, candid and honest in the flavor that Boobcast has been from the beginning.

I also want to include a couple interviews with doctors who deal with necrosis and botched surgeries. And finally, I want to include a chapter on legal options from a top malpractice attorney. I think that would make for a well-rounded book.

Why am I telling you this? My regular readers can probably guess. I can go other places for the interviews, I’m sure. But I’d like to start with you, if you’re willing. If anyone is interested in being interviewed for this project, please let me know. I can, as always, be reached at boobcast@gmail.com

Thank you in advance.

Boobcast has made such a tremendous difference in so many lives. It’s time to take it to the next level.

Here’s  a little something I think you all might appreciate. While it wasn’t at the doctor’s office, I have used the Twins to flash for beads after reconstruction. It was my way of celebrating the idea that I was no longer, in my mind, a mangled, sub-human thing.

It has been ten days since I got the second round of nipple and areolae tattooing done. I did everything I told to do for after care, making sure to apply a thick coating of petroleum jelly at least once a day to the area and keep it covered with gauze and paper tape for 7 days. I actually applied the jelly twice a day just to make sure there was no way it could stick to the gauze. Below you will see the progressive loss of pigment over the last 10 days.

This first set of photos was taken on Nov. 23rd, two days after tattooing.

    

The second set below is from Nov. 25. There is already a little lightening in the pigment.

  

The third set of photos was from three days after the previous ones, on November 28. The difference is even more distinct than the difference between the first and second set.

       Finally, there are the photos from November 30, just 10 days after tattooing. You can see the tiny flakes of pigment coming off in them. In one you can even see the little leopard-like spots where the pigment is still clinging. At this point I had been, as per written after-care instructions, not wearing gauze or petroleum jelly for three days.

   

The color is good and according to the nurse, this is how it’s supposed to be. The difference is just so vast and startling that I wasn’t prepared for it.. They tell you it will look lighter, but seeing the difference and the progression over a ten days span seems extreme.

The good thing is that when you, Dear Reader, are ready for your tattooing, you’ll be ready for the difference. So make sure that you get the pigment color you want slightly darker so that when it heals, you have the REAL color you want for your new nipples and areolae.

Remember Jill’s story from yesterday (HA! Like ANYONE could forget THAT kind of trauma)? Well, she’s looking for other people like her in Texas for support and advice.

If you live there, give a shout out!

WARNING: This post contains graphic images of breast necrosis. If you have a weak constitution or are easily upset, please leave now. This post also contains material that is NSFW.

[Editor's Note: Today's story comes from Jill, a woman who has, quite honestly, been through much more than I have. I never thought I would encounter someone who has had a worse experience with a plastic surgeon than mine. Please give her your kindness and support. She could use all of it she can get right now]

Jill is a cancer survivor who had implants put in after a mastectomy. Then, about a year ago, she noticed cigarette-like burns on one breast. These were ignored by her surgeon. Then last month about 25% of the breast turned black and died, including the nipple.

During an office visit, her surgeon took a pair of scissors and cut the necrotic skin off. As he was debriding the wound, Jill was screaming for him to stop. Then he realized she had silicone implants. He had put them in himself but didn’t bother to check her chart beforehand. Then he pulled the implant out through hole he had just cut leaving her with an open visible wound and a HUGE under the skin wound.

The surgeon now refuses to do any more work on Jill because she no longer has health insurance. He actually suggested she go to a local charity hospital and apply for assistance there. Jill has quoted him as saying “Maybe they will make you Patient of the Year”.

Up to this point Jill had been packing the wound with gauze, but because it was so deep she was unable to pack it well herself. Thus, the wound wasn’t healing as well as it could have been. Fortunately Jill is now on a Wound V.A.C. and is getting the help she needs.

Jill has also been brave enough to share her photos. Below you can see what her necrosis looked like, the open wound, and the aftermath of the implant removal her “doctor” did.