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Monthly Archives: July 2009

M M M My Seroma 2

I had an appointment at Dr. Guy’s office today to check on the seroma issue. Unfortunately, we got an emergency business call from Atlanta this afternoon and we’ve got to be there by tomorrow night. Because we have two orders on the table and a dog that desperately needed his shots and heart worm meds, I had to reschedule for next Wednesday. So far it doesn’t look like anything has developed again though.

It also occurred to me that since we have to make an emergency run to Atlanta tomorrow as it is, I should make an appointment with Dr. Elliott’s team for while I’m up there. So I emailed Suzanne since I didn’t get to call before 5. I’ll call again tomorrow to make sure she got the email and find out when they can fit me in.

As usual, I’ll update when I know more.

 

The X Rated Episode

***THIS IS MATURE SUBJECT MATTER. ANYONE UNDER 18 MUST VACATE THIS BLOG NOW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!***

In previous episodes I’ve briefly covered sex and good positions to use while recovering. Now that I’ve recovered more, I’m going to be talking about the one thing that I think every man looks forward to when his partner has a gigantic set of knockers like mine.

Titty Fucking.

See? THIS is why I called this the X Rated episode. If you’re under 18 and still reading this, GO AWAY! Your Mommy’s calling. Imagine what your sweet little grandma would think about you reading this kind of thing. Go on now! Git!

Are they all gone? Good.

It’s been 13 weeks today since the surgery. A couple nights ago, after having talked about this for quite a while, we decided to try titty fucking. Sorry gang. I don’t know a more polite way of saying it. “Breast sex” just doesn’t cover what happens.

Hubby has been looking forward to this since before I had the initial surgery that went horribly wrong in October of 2007. Yes, he is a patient one. So I thought it was time he got his payoff.

It turns out that laying on my back while he straddled my chest really didn’t work very well. My back is apparently still very sensitive to pressure and all that weight on top of me was just too much. So we tried something a little different from the standard.

He lay on his back and I knelt between his legs, knees slightly under his thighs. Lube was applied to both his penis and my cleavage. Then I leaned over a bit and wrapped my breasts around his penis. He was the one who did all the moving. It sounds uncomfortable but it really wasn’t. From my vantage point I had the pleasure of watching his face as he moved.

Admittedly, watching him was the most pleasure I had from that particular escapade. But HE certainly enjoyed himself immensely. So much so he suggested we do it again SOON.

 

Briefs

***I’m STILL waiting for a call from Dr. Elliott regarding the whole weight loss/losing boobie volume issue. This is really the first time I’ve actually been truly disappointed with him. He didn’t call last week nor did his PA. Needless to say I’m somewhat miffed. I’ll be looking for an explanation when I call on Monday. I know he sees patients then.

***I heard back from Paul about the prosthetic nipples. He said he can do anything I want. So NOW all I have to do is decide what I want. Not as easy as it sounds. If I decide not to opt for surgery, these babies are my nips for life. Or until the wear out and I have to get new ones.

Mail order nipples… Now THERE’S a modern concept for ya.

***A friend of mine from another site who just recently started reading my blog said that I need to “pull myself out of the Abyss”. Someone else pointed out that the word “survivor” is frequently used as a crutch. Now THAT took the wind out of my sails.  Those two comments have me wondering just how much of this blog consists of me whining about how truly awful things have been. I would LIKE to think that there is some helpful information in all of this. As for pulling myself out of the Abyss, THAT is what this blog is about for me. I have been in some very dark places since this all began. The things I’ve been discussing are surface issues by comparison. I know I still have healing to do.

There are times when I’m not very good at recognizing my limitations and boundaries. This is one of those times. I’m still somewhat enmeshed in the misery I suffered. Some days it clings to me like cobwebs. I wonder how much longer this sorrow will be with me. I suspect it will be years more because I have a book to write.

I also have allowed a few people to have a great deal of influence in my life. I wonder sometimes how much I’m doing just to make them happy and how much of what I do are things that *I* want for me. It’s difficult when I can’t seem to separate my desires from theirs FOR me. Not long ago I was explaining to someone that I tend to analyze the crap out of everything. So I am. It’s just part of the “Maria” package.

***That troublesome spot on my back has mostly scabbed over. Now it’s just a matter of time before it completely heals up. The wet-to-dry bandages really helped. The other side that had separated and scabbed is healed up now and has blended into the rest of the scar line.

***Intimacy has the most beautiful bras and panties for DDD+ cup sizes. The engineering that goes into these bras is phenomenal. Unfortunately, their customer service is HORRIBLE! I’ve had to keep calling multiple times to check on a back order. I called three times and left two messages before someone called me back to let me know that my original fitter was no longer with the company. Then it took 20 minutes for them to find my original back order paperwork and verify that those items were ones I still wanted.  At that point, after being placed on hold for about 5 minutes I was told they were out of stock but would be getting them in soon.

Six weeks later I got a message saying that my back order was in. So I called back, ended up leaving two messages in a week and FINALLY got a human being a week after that. It took another 20 minutes to find and verify my back order ONLY to be told that they were out of one item that I ordered and it would have to be shipped from the Boston store.

If Intimacy could just get their act together customer service-wise, they would be more popular than Victoria’s Secret. Intimacy’s lingerie is better made, more supportive and will last longer. PLUS they offer life time tailoring. If you lose a substantial amount of weight, they will tailor your bras to fit as many times as you want.

 

Someone Else’s Nipples 2

I’ve got to say that my meeting with Beach Gal (she asked that I not mention her name), was probably the most bizarre meeting I have ever had. We met at the Wal-Mart Ladies room and stepped into the handicapped stall. After talking for a few minutes about how happy she was to be able to help me out, she showed me the prosthetics on her breasts.

Paul matched her skin tone beautifully. They looked like real nipples and areolae. I was just surprised to see that they looked so…perfect. There was no asymmetry that I could see. They looked like circular cut outs.

It has been so long since I’ve really SEEN nipples that I had literally forgotten that they’re SUPPOSED to be that round. It took me coming home and looking on the net to confirm that, yes, that’s how they’re supposed to look. That’s how they look in nature.

Beach Gal also suggested something that I had never even thought of. Her idea was for me to make paper cutouts of different sizes and see which size looks the best on me. Sheer genius!

So I have an art project ahead of me. I’m not in as much of a hurry to do this as I thought I would be. I’m content for the moment. But as we all know, that’s subject to change from moment to moment.

 

But I look like a…GIRL!

Yesterday I got a delivery of a new pair of athletic sandals that I’d be able to wear to the parks when I wanted to go looking a bit more dolled up. I didn’t want to wear hot, heavy tennis shoes that clashed with my casual dress or my skirt (yes, I only own ONE casual dress and ONE casual skirt. On purpose).

But..I look like a GIRL!?!So of course, since I bought these sandals off the Net I wanted to make sure they worked color-wise with the outfits I bought them to go with. So I put on the skirt and the sea green top that looks the best with the beading on the skirt. I happened to catch a glimpse in the mirror of the whole outfit and I was broadsided by a City Bus Of Realization that…I Looked  Like A GIRL!!

For the last two years I’ve been dressing in big, baggy clothes because anything tight exposed my mangled chest to the rest of the world. I didn’t want to do that to my family, let alone the entire population of central Florida. So I wore 2X tees and big, baggy cargo shorts that hid anything even remotely resembling a female figure.

I also spent two years avoiding mirrors, as I’ve mentioned before. I’m guessing this is just another one of those adjustment moments. I just feel conflicted. I’m overweight because, well there are more reasons than I can count. One of them is that I think I wanted to be invisible so people wouldn’t notice my chest. BUT, my hair is bright pink, so I really DON’T want to be invisible. I’m tearing up as I write this because I know that now I have another challenge to face and I’ve done this to myself.

For the last few weeks I’ve been saying that I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable from dieting. I know that to be denial now. I’m just terrified beyond belief that if I lose weight then I’ll lose my breasts again…just in a different way and I will have done it to myself. AGAIN!

Yes, I still partially blame myself for the first time. If I hadn’t been SO insistent and SO obsessive about having “pretty boobies”, I never would have gone with the cheap surgeon. That part, at least, is my fault.

I think what I need to do is talk to Patti at Dr. Elliott’s office and find out for sure before I freak myself out and find a way to mentally justify staying at a weight that isn’t ideal.

In the mean time, here’s the outfit that got me broadsided by the City Bus of Realization.

 

Someone Else’s Nipples

The topic I’m revisiting today is prosthetic nipples.

I just got off the phone with a woman who actually HAS a pair of Paul Tanner’s prosthetic nipples http://tinyurl.com/lbfvha. Like me, she scoured the net for realistic nipple prosthesis. She had seen the results of what happens when reconstruction goes horribly awry. The person she told me about ended up with very uneven nipples and a really bad tattooing job. That’s not the only unsatisfactory results she has seen and heard of.

With the nipples she got from Paul, however, she is SO pleased that she doesn’t plan on having nipple reconstruction surgery. The only minor thing she talked about was that they felt a little bit heavy. There is an adhesive that goes on the back of them and then sticks to your skin. It lasts for 3-5 days. You can even SWIM in these!!

I’m meeting with her later today to see the actual prosthetics. She was really excited to show them to me and I’m actually excited to see them. We both agrees that, yes, it sounds kind of weird. BUT we both agreed that seeing them would actually help me make a more informed decision. After all, looking at pictures is hardly the same as actually seeing them in person and perhaps getting to touch them.

I’m really starting to repeat myself with the “I’ll report back” bit. Once I’ve seen these, I’ll let you all know more.

 

Bra Day Redux

After wearing my pretty blue Prima Donna Kensington bra (http://tinyurl.com/npkxnm)  and panties today, I have great news to report. The skin on my back has healed sufficiently so as to not tear under pressure the way it did last time I tried to wear a bra. That was right after my one month check up.

I wore the bra for about 9 hours today and found it to be VERY comfortable. I only had to adjust the band once. I’ve also healed enough to be able to feel the bra strap on my back. For the most part at least. My nerves have not completely healed yet. There are still areas of numbness but not to the extent that they were. Those numb areas are actually getting more pronounced feeling as time passes. Eventually I’ll actually be able to feel everything on my back again.

In other words, if my fingers slip and I snap myself with my bra band, I now KNOW I snapped myself. Sometimes pain is something to grudgingly accept. In this case it indicates progress in healing.

Yay pain??

I’m not sure if this progress means that I’m going to dive head first into daily bra wearing again. Somehow, I don’t think so. The bras are beautiful and they do lovely things for the TWINS, as you have all borne witness to. I’m really rather enjoying using the shelf bras though. Even though the Prima Donna bras ARE comfortable, the shelf bras are even more comfortable.

While I do think I’ll be wearing bras more often, I think that for the time being I’m going to stick with my shelf bras as my daily wear mainstay. That may change with a little more time. I’m just going to have to take it as it comes and see what happens. As usual.

 

Bra Day

Since everything seems to be healing so nicely. I’m wearing one of my new Prima Donna bras today. I’ll report back about whether or not I have any complications from it due to skin delicacy or other issues.

 

A Tad Bit Nipply

Remember that classic Christmas son “All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)? Well, all *I* want in time for DragonCon is a pair of high quality hand made silicone prosthetic nipples.

I’ve looked at the pre-made ones and they’re terrible. Sure, under a SHIRT they look like nipples, but in no way shape or form could THIS ever be considered a proper nipple: http://tinyurl.com/m7emlr 

Granted, they call them nipple enhancers. But they also tout them as prosthetic nipples. I’ve read posts on breast cancer forums where these are considered acceptable replacements for real nipples.

Reforma nipples are a bit better http://tinyurl.com/npazs9  They’re thinner and more pliant. Unfortunately they’re still not what I would consider a really good replacement.

The best type of nipple prosthetic that I have found are made of silicone. They are molded to your breast mound for the best fit and then hand painted to match your other breast. In MY case, or in the case of both breasts being taken, the artists I have talked to will use a sister or daughter as a model.

I have neither. Well, I have four half sisters, but two of them I’m not talking to and two of them, no one knows where they are for sure.

Here is an example of the kind of nipple prosthetics ALL women should be wearing if they decide not to opt for nipple reconstruction:http://tinyurl.com/likqgb  Life is just far too short to settle for something that doesn’t make you completely happy. Especially when it comes to your mental well-being.

In my research I talked not only to the gentleman who created these, but also two other prosthetic artists. One insisted that I had to be fitted there at her office. The second suggested two places here in Florida. One is in Naples and the other is in Gainesville. I will be contacting the artist in Gainsville first since they’re closer. Of course once I know more I’ll post about it. Eventually there will be a shot of me wearing the new prosthetics.

 

M M M My Seroma

I posted about my check up yesterday. This morning the troubled spot will be left to heal. No more wet to dry dressings. YAY! It’s closing up nicely finally so that’s not an issue any more.

Now since I can’t seem to do anything half-ass-ed, while Dr. Guy was poking around on my back (and I mean that literally…poke…poke…poke) she discovered that the right side had a pretty massive seroma.

A seroma is a pocket of clear serous fluid that sometimes develops in the body after surgery. When small blood vessels are ruptured, blood plasma can seep out; inflammation caused by dying injured cells also contributes to the fluid.

This isn’t a threatening or serious condition, though it could potentially cause complications down the line. The fluid is that yellowish slightly sticky stuff that bubbles up when you scrape your knee before the scab forms. A good idea of what a seroma looks like is here: http://tinyurl.com/n8ne2

It is evident the bruising is the skin is also distended and there is a large, softball sized lump where the fluid has collected. I was unable to find a photo of a seroma on the back. With a Latissimus Flap breast reconstruction, seromas are VERY common. From what Dr. Guy said, basically the pocket it causes makes the skin separate from the muscle. Until the fluid is drained or reabsorbed back into the body, the skin cannot reattach itself to the muscle. Basically the right side of my back from below the shoulder blade to my waist and in towards my spine was one gigantic seroma.

After giving me a local anesthetic, Dr. Guy excised the fluid by sucking it out with a needle the size of a harpoon. At least that’s what it seemed like. Ken says it was only an inch or two long and pretty small in diameter.

The Doc removed 455ccs of fluid. That is very nearly half a liter of fluid. She showed Ken how to tell if it builds up again. Basically he has to poke my back. If it ripples like a waterbed, there’s a buildup of fluid.

I have another check up in two weeks. I’m really hoping there will be no more fluid build up. As usual I’ll keep you all posted.


 
 
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