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Monthly Archives: August 2009

Nipples

My regular readers know that I have been researching prosthetic nipples for some time. I have been trying to decide if I was going to buy prosthetics, if I’m going to have surgery or if I’ll decide to do both.  I’ve found some amazing people who hand make and hand paint nipple prosthetics. These people are real artisans. Their work looks very close to the real thing.

They use silicone rubber to create a nipple and areolae to match the client’s skin tone. They will also take a mold of an existing nipple to create the new one if someone has lost only one breast to a mastectomy.

The thing I like about silicone nipples is that at the edge it fades out. By that I mean it gets thinner and translucent so that you can see the skin through it. That makes it blend in with the rest of the breast.

What I DON’T like about prosthetic nipples is you’ve got to use adhesive to stick it to your breast mound. That adhesive lasts 5-7 days. I’ve been told that keeping skin covered with rubber that long isn’t harmful. I’ve also been told that you don’t need to give your skin a break. I know my body though. I know my skin is sensitive to adhesive. I get a rash from surgical tape.

I have also talked to Dr. Elliott a few more times. He explained to me that it is normal for nipples to reduce by about half in size. That’s why a good surgeon will compensate for that.

With all that in mind I’ve decided that I am not going to get prosthetics. I am happy just to have breasts again. It will only be about six months until I have the next surgery and I just don’t see the point right now in spending almost $200 on something I’ll only wear for the next six months.

 

Progressively Moving Backward

I am incredibly frustrated at how slowly I seem to be healing. Is this my body’s way of saying “Sit down and shut up!”? I had a couple days of higher level activity and last night I ended up taking half a Darvocet because I was spiking a 3-4 on the Oh-My-God-It-Really-Fucking-Hurts o’meter. Today I was a little sore but no big deal so I sorted piles of old mail. Now I’m at about a three again. I feel like I did two weeks out of surgery. I am ready and raring to go but my body itself keeps planting a metaphorical hand in my chest and shoving me back into the chair. I can almost hear some big tough guy from the Bent Nose Brigade telling me “Siddown an Shaddap”.

What’s sad is that in the back of my mind I feel like I’m being lazy. I feel like I should be doing SOMETHING. Yes I understand on a logical level that writing this blog helps people and that’s doing something. With our finances the way they are though and this being our business slow season I feel like I should be doing something to contribute economically to our household.

People tell me, and I’ve passed this advice on to others, my job is to heal. But for how LONG? Someone emailed me a few days ago saying she wants her life back.

So do I sweetie. So do I.

 

Boobie Boggles

When I was cleared to wear bras I went and spent insane amounts of money on five bras and matching panties. They’re all gorgeous and lacey and flowery and they really make me feel feminine when I wear them. They’re also not very utilitarian. Sure I can wear them as my daily bras but they just don’t look good under certain tops.

My Prima Donna bras, because they’re embroidered and have little flowers on some of them, just don’t work under form-fitting tops. You can see the fabric of the bras through clothes like that. Because of that, I went bra shopping at Lane Bryant on Saturday afternoon.

Lane Bryant sizes bras with a tape measure. This is completely  unlike the visual measuring system that the ladies at Intimacy use. Lane Bryant (referred to as LB from this point forward) measures at the rib cage, at the nipple and at the top of the breast. According to their measurements, I am a 38 band size and a DD cup.

I have not lost weight and my Intimacy bras still fit perfectly. The Cacique bras carried by LB fit me FAR differently than the Intimacy bras. I ended up with four full coverage soft cup bras in a 40DD by that company. I must have tried on 15 different bras before they found what fit right. I even tried on a 44 band size and it was REALLY big on me. You could have fit kittens in the cups along with the Twins because the gap was so big. The woman helping me also pulled the band away from my body probably about 4-6 inches.

It just boggles my mind that a thing that is supposed to be engineered to fit and support our assets can have that wide a range in size on the same person. You’d think there would be consistency in bras and bra makers.

The lady who assisted me gave me a great hint for how to know if a bra fits really well or not. First you’ve got to bend over and adjusted your girls so that they’re fully in the cup, including the sides. That stuff that’s flopping over your side strap? That’s also part of your breast. If your bra does that, it’s too small.

If you raise both arms all the way up and the bridge between the two cups comes off your breast bone, the bra is too big. If the bridge doesn’t lie flat against your breastbone at all, the bra is too small.  If someone can pull the back strap out away from your body more than a couple fingers wide, the bra is too big. This is an excellent example of someone wearing the wrong sized bra and exactly what’s wrong: http://tinyurl.com/caengb

This is why it’s important for every woman to be professionally fitted. It’s up to us. We have to take care of our Boobies the best that we can. Most women are wearing the wrong sized bra because they don’t know any better. You have a responsibility to yourself to get out there and get educated. Find a local lingere store and see if they do bra fittings. You don’t even have to buy anything from the shop. Just get fitted and find out what band and cup size you REALLY are.

 

Nick/Tuck 2

I have gotten a couple comments about yesterday’s post regarding Nick Starr’s (http://www.nickstarr.com). Some of them concerning his mental health were very enlightening. The more I think about what I’ve been told, the more I become convinced that supporting Nick is the right thing to do.

Granted I don’t know the full story. I have been told that he was arrested for threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge in June. I was also told that he has threatened suicide on Twitter multiple times. I have not personally witnessed any of this so right now it is all second hand information.

When I was going through the worse of my problems, I called suicide hotline. Even after, when we weren’t sure if we could find a way to pay for my reconstruction surgery, I had a plan in place for how to kill myself. I was so thoroughly convinced that I was nothing more than a mangled, sub-human thing that if I had to wait another three years or more for reconstruction surgery, I was just going to end it because while I was in that head space, my life was already over no matter what my friends, my husband or my family said.

Having been that totally desperate, I understand why Nick feels the way he does. People who have not been in the position of hating their bodies so thoroughly that they just wanted to end it, really cannot fathom why he would go to such extremes measures.

Many of you are probably thinking that his situation is different. He didn’t lose intimate parts of his body to necrosis and an inept surgeon. Very true. But he *does* hate his body for reasons he has explained in his blog.

I *would* like to see him get some counseling though. Surgery is not an instant fix. There is an emotional adjustment period and he’ll probably need some help making that adjustment.

 
 
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