RSS

Category Archives: breast cancer

Fallout – The Implant Difference

If you are one of my regular readers, you know that I had implants with the initial breast augmentation and lift surgery. If not, implants are used to replace the breast volume that has been lost either over time or due to breastfeeding and pregnancy. They can also be used in the case of benign fibroid removal to help fill out the breast blGflA

My surgery was purely cosmetic. My breasts had degraded as far as they could go. According to the RN at one consultation, “they weren’t going to get any worse”. By degraded I mean that the areolaes covered the entire end of my breasts, my nipples pointed at the ground and my breasts had very little volume. They looked like a couple of pizza slices hanging from my chest wall.

It is not physically possible to put breasts back where they were when you were 18. Skin stretches far too much for that. What they CAN do is add volume. That’s where the implants come in. But there are big differences once the implants are in. Remember, these are foreign objects placed in your body. So they are not going to act like your own natural breasts.

Here’s what I’m talking about when I say “Headlight breasts”. They look like they were pasted on her.

Whether they are saline or silicone, they are not going to feel or act like your own natural tissue. For instance, with a natural breast in a 30+ year old woman, when we lay down, we end up with our breasts migrating towards our armpits. This is commonly referred to as fallout.

It’s just what breasts do after a certain age.

With implants, those puppies aren’t going anywhere. You lay on your back and they stay where they were put. They may move a little but not like real tissue.

This is one reason I advocate for tissue-based reconstruction whether it be TRAM flap or Lat Flap reconstruction for women who have lost their breasts.

The other reason is the feel of the breast. I can only speak from the point of a woman who has had saline implants. You can FEEL the implant through the skin. From my perspective it feels like you’re squeezing a warm, overfilled water bottle.When I poked at them, I could HEAR the saline sloshing sometimes.

My husband says, “They were very hard kind of like groping a hard, squishy melon. Well, something not as hard as melon but not as soft as breast tissue.”. He enjoys my reconstructed breasts much more. The reason he likes the tissue reconstruction better is that “they’re natural. They’re all you”.

The down side to tissue reconstruction is that, on a deep feel, you can feel the edges of the flap. You really have to search for it, but it’s still there. For my husband, there IS no down side now that the flap has softened.

 

Going Mental

Recuperation really IS a long, drawn out process. It is SO much more than physical. I’ve talked about the mental and emotional aspects before as well. It’s a convoluted aspect of healing wherein each state ties in to each of the other. It’s the Gordian Knot of Recuperation.

Here’s an example. I know that I am temporarily satisfied with the Twins. I know that I eventually want nipples. Surgery is just a four letter word right now. The idea of more surgery stresses me out to the point that I almost start crying. On the opposite end of the spectrum, not EVER having the surgery makes me tear up.

The thought of more surgery makes me fearful. I’m terrified of something going wrong and developing necrosis again. I’m also not thrilled with the idea of being cut on again even if it IS only surface work and outpatient surgery. I’m angry that I have to make these decisions in the first place.

I also own that if I had not put myself in this position in the first place I wouldn’t have to be making these decisions. Nor would I be putting my family through everything we have been through since this whole ordeal began.

Regular readers know that I am indecisive. It takes me ages to to come to a final conclusion. Usually I am anxiety ridden about a thing for months, if not years. Making the nipple surgery decision falls into that category without a doubt.

It’s also a very individual decision. I have seen a woman who bought prosthetic nipples without having reconstructive surgery. She felt that even without the mounds, what she missed most was not having nipples. Other women I have spoken to are simply happy with just the mounds and nothing else. Others don’t want to take a chance on a second surgery, so they find prosthetics and still others are so afraid that they don’t do anything at all.

Trying to make the “right” decision is enough to drive you mental. Just make sure that whatever you decide, it’s what YOU want. YOU have to live in your body. No one else does.

 

Clothes Shopping-A BoobCast Flashback

Originally written on Oct. 26, 2009

This is another one of those issues that comes with being mostly boob-less.  Clothes shopping is frustrating.  I feel more comfortable in the Men’s section than the Women’s. The women’s section, even if there is no one else there, is a constant reminder of what I don’t have.

It’s also more difficult to find clothes that fit. Anything that fits tightly across the chest shows the outline of my deformity. And lets face it, most women’s clothing is geared to fit close to the body and accentuate our breasts. Even the camisoles with foam cups give a minor indication that something isn’t quite right because  of how the cups move since they’re not filled with breast tissue.

The men’s section offers a better selection of loose-fitting clothes. So I shop at Goodwill because I know that when this is over I can take the clothes back and donate them again. Someone else will be able to get use out of them when it’s all done.

Aside from this mangled thing that once was my chest, I think that shopping in the men’s section is one more reason I just don’t feel feminine. (see other Girly Girl posts).

Now in the movie “Dogma” the character called the Muse talked about how what defines a woman falls between two things…her legs. From a biological standpoint that IS true. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, after all. From a societal standpoint, however, women are judged by their breasts. If I don’t have breasts, am I still really a woman?

Breast cancer patients go through the same thing WHILE fighting a disease that could kill them. That’s why I can’t begin to compare myself to a breast cancer survivor. Not in the physical sense anyway. Mentally we go through much of the same thing. We question if we’re still actually women. We feel diminished; as though we’re somehow not fully human and wonder how our partners will EVER find us attractive again.

Yes, that complicated ball of emotions comes with clothes shopping. In the men’s section.

 

Our First Story

Our first story is one that was told to me a few months ago. A woman I spoke with told me about her 67 year old mother. We’ll call her Barbara for the sake of this narrative.

Barbara is a cancer survivor. She had a mastectomy on one side and reconstructive surgery later. He daughter didn’t share with me the length of time between the mastectomy and the reconstruction. It is generally suggested that a woman either get reconstruction done immediately after a mastectomy (breast removal) or wait two years for the chemotherapy to be completely out of the system.

The chemicals used in chemo affect the circulation and can interfere with healing after surgery. As a side note, chemo can also leave behind little blue spots in the skin.

Barbara opted to wait and still developed necrosis. Her daughter didn’t share with me how severe it was. She only told me that her mother was SO sick of surgeries that she decided not to have the damage repaired. Barbara said that at her age she just didn’t want to deal with any more of it.

That is a pretty standard attitude with people who have been through a great deal of medical treatment. It’s exhausting. It eats away pieces of your life and by the time you’re done, you just don’t want to deal with any more.

I’m still looking for plastic and reconstruction surgery stories to share so please email them to boobcast@gmail.com. All names are kept confidential unless otherwise requested.

 

The 200th Post

As the title says, this is the 200th installment of BoobCast. Today I am writing about you, dear reader. Today’s installment is all about the support and the stories that people have shared with me since I first started this blog on Oct. 11, 2008.

When I first started writing this, I was also fairly active on a website called All About Plastic Surgery (http://www.allaboutplasticsurgery.com). When I posted what had happened to me it didn’t take long before I was inundated by questions about various aspects of the surgery. You can find that entry here: http://boobcast.net/2008/10/14/questions/ People expressed a great deal of concern about how well I had checked out the surgeon, what indications I might have had and what legal recourse I might have taken. During that period so many people gave their support and I am grateful for it. So my thanks goes out to the women of the All About Plastic Surgery forum. They were the ones who inspired the idea for BoobCast.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “Gee Maria, why do you call it BoobCast? Were they wrapped in plaster or something at one point?”

No, dear reader. There are reasons this site is called BoobCast.  In 2007 the podcasting community lost a precious member by the name of Joe Murphy. He died of a vicious type of cancer that took him quickly. During his medical treatments he talked in vivid detail about what was going on, the testing and all of it. His strength inspired me. I wanted to be as strong and as brave as Joe Murphy. So I planned to podcast what was going on with my breast necrosis. The name of that podcast was going to be BoobCast.

I never met Joe but his life inspired me. It just turns out that I’m not that strong or that brave. To honor that bravery I have kept the name.

I also owe thanks to a very dear friend, Tee Morris. When I was trying to find the strength to create BoobCast, He was there for me. He gave me mental and emotional support by letting me know that I *could* do it. I’m sorry I disapointed you Tee but want to thank you for being a friend when I needed one.

In the time I’ve been writing BoobCast I have had people email me directly for advice. Of course, after reading the email, my advice was always “Contact your PS (plastic surgeon) and ask for [fill-in-the-blank]. Whether it was about bruising, skin texture or pain, I advised talking to their doctor. If they couldn’t get a decent answer from that doctor, talk to another one.

The one that really broke my heart was the husband of a woman who, a few days previous the email,  had the same procedure I had. According to her husband, the pain pills her PS had given her weren’t doing much and she was in constant pain. She couldn’t eat or sleep and she was suffering. I told her husband to call her PS immediately and insist on different pain meds and not take NO for an answer. i explained that, right now it was his job to advocate for his wife since she couldn’t do it herself.

A couple days later I got an email from him saying that her PS had changed her meds and she was doing MUCH better. It’s emails like those that made BoobCast well worth the emotional pain of writing those early posts.

I also want to thank everyone who talked to me about BoobCast at DragonCon last year. Being told in person that I’m making a difference means the world to me. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

Finally, my thanks to Carol Montoya, Lolly Daskal and the Woman At Denny’s. I promise that once I’ve had nipple reconstruction and recuperate from that, I WILL write the book. The foundation is in the works already.

My thanks to you all for reading, commenting and talking to me. Here’s to another 200!

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 18, 2010 in anchor breast lift, Anxiety, barter, boob job, Bra Fitting, bra sizes, Bras, breast, breast cancer, breast health, breast implants, breast lift, breast reconstruction, breast size, breast volume, Cash fees, checkup, chemotherapy chemical, clogged surgical drains, communication, complications, compression bra, compression dressing, cortisone, cosmetic surgery, cryotherapy, debreiding, debridement, deformity, dehiscence, Depression, Drain, Drugs, emotional healing, emotional scars, Excise, excise fluid, fear, Flashbacks, flourouracil, Fluid, granular tissue, granulation tissue, Healing, Hospital, Hospital fees, Hosptial Costs, implants, Incisions, Infection, Insurance, interferon, Invisibility, keloid, keloid scars, laser, Latissimus flap, latissimus flap reconstruction, malpractice, mammogram, mastopexy, Medical, Medical Insurance, memory, Nausea, necrosis, negligence, Nipple prosthetics, Nipple reconstruction, Nipples, Pain, Pain Management, plastic surgeon, plastic surgery, Plastic Surgery Disaster, podcast, Post surgical depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Prescription Drug Addiction, Prosthetics, PTSD, radiation, Reconstruction, Recovery, Scars, Seroma, serous fluid, Sex, silicone sheets, situational depression, Sleep, slow healing, suicide, Surgery, Surgical complications, Surgical drains, Surgical Fees, Ta Ta Tuesday, Uncategorized, V.A.C. machine, Vacuum assisted wound closure, wet to dry bandages, wheelchair

 

Boob Squishies

To quote Dharma Freedom Filklestein Montgomery, “Mammogram!! It sounds like something that should be delivered, doesn’t it?”

It’s that time of year ladies. The time when we make our yearly appointments to have our breasts pressed into a thin, transparent form. None of us like to do it. It’s uncomfortable, awkward and a real inconvenience. And here’s where the lecture comes in.

Every woman I know makes excuses about why they can’t get it done. I’m here to tell you that there IS no excuse for disregarding your health. By NOT having a yearly mammogram after the age of 40 if ANY woman in your direct family has had breast cancer, you are potentially taking your life in your hands.

It’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We all know someone (or knows someone who knows someone else) who has had breast cancer. Some women, like my two aunts and my mother, have come through it just fine and have been cancer free for decades.

Other women like my friend, let’s call her Hanna to protect her identity, aren’t so fortunate. Hanna developed breast cancer and opted for a natural treatment route. Unfortunately, it was ineffective and the cancer spread. Somehow, using something called Black Salve, she got rid of the tumor and she went into remission for about 5 years.

Unfortunately, she didn’t get the entire growth because it came back with a vengeance the second time. It spread into her  arm rendering it useless. The cancer grew in such a way that the doctors would have had to remove her arm to remove the cancer. It wasn’t long before it spread throughout her body including her brain. She has had two brain surgeries. But there is just too much in too many places in her body. She is now in hospice and may not live to see this Christmas.

The bright spot is that she made it to her goal. She wanted to live long enough to see her daughter graduate from high school. She made that goal Her daughter graduated this past June.

So please ladies… Suck it up and deal. Get it done. It’s only once a year. MAKE time. It may just save your life.

 

The Journey Home

We just got home from Atlanta at 8pm. This ranks as one of the longest days I can remember next to being in labor with my sons. Fortunately the muscle relaxer has the tendency to knock my happy ass out. I slept in the car for about 4 hours of the 9 hour trip. The rest of the time I was listening to my favorite podcasts: either The Geologic Podcast with George Hrab, Scott Sigler’s “Contagious”, the finale of Mark Yoshimoto Nemkoff’s “Transister Rodeo”, or the latest book by Greg Crites that he deigned to put up in the Literary Lugwrench Clodcast.

Taking frequent breaks was the best possible thing I could have done. It hurts SO much worse without those walks even with the regular doses of Percocet and muscle relaxer (Methylcarbamol). The way my pain levels are hitting it looks like the Methyl is going to be my primary pain relief with a half a Percocet reserved for breakthrough pain.

The one time we stopped for a late breakfast, I talked to a gentleman who was telling me about a friend of his who was in worse shape than me. A year ago his friend had gotten implants. Last month she was diagnosed with breast cancer and lost both of her brand new boobies to the requisite double mastectomy.

I know that I’ve been through a lot but women who lose their breasts to cancer really humble me. I am SO not in their league by any stretch of the imagination. I saw what my Mom went through 26 years ago and she had Stage 2 so they took her lymph nodes as well AND she had chemo on top of it all. Not only did she lose her breasts but she also lost her hair.  Then she had her own necrosis complications after implants were put in. She still doesn’t have breasts.

Now that I’ve had such amazing results with my surgery she’s talking about getting hers done by Dr. Elliott. San implants of course. I wish that she would because I know what kind of self-esteem issues she has that are rooted in this. It’s a crying shame too because my Mom (who is single, BTW) is such a totally awesome lady. She deserves a bit more happiness in her life.

It’s because of people like my Mom, and what I’ve been through that I keep talking about this subject. There are so few places where anyone can FIND information about what happens when cosmetic surgeries go wrong. We feel ashamed, blame ourselves as though WE are the ones who did something wrong. I, personally, have felt less than human on numerous occasions because our society places so much value on breasts. I have wondered to myself that if I don’t have breasts, then what AM I? Surely not a woman. I felt like some mangled, sub-human thing. An “it”.

I play act very well. Most of the time the people closest to me had no idea of how I felt. Women are trained from an early age to put on a performance that will put everyone else at ease. As women, and especially Moms, we’ve been taught to put everyone and everything else ahead of our own needs. I think this is another reason why we don’t talk about these issues.

We have GOT to start being more vocal. These things are so much less frightening when you realize there’s someone out there who is going or has gone through exactly when you’re going though.

 

National Mammography Day

YAY!  It’s Boob Squishie Day!!!!!   Friday October 17th is the big day!  National Mamography Day has come around again.  If you haven’t had your annual mammogram, get your appointment ASAP and get it done!  You only get one life kids, so suck it up.

If you haven’t had one done, it’s really not that bad.  *I* think a pap smear is worse, personally.  So is having your hair bleached with 40 volume peroxide!  So celebrate National Mammography Day by taking care of YOU.

Remember, if you don’t take care of you, no one else will.

 
 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,127 other followers