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Category Archives: breast lift

Fallout – The Implant Difference

If you are one of my regular readers, you know that I had implants with the initial breast augmentation and lift surgery. If not, implants are used to replace the breast volume that has been lost either over time or due to breastfeeding and pregnancy. They can also be used in the case of benign fibroid removal to help fill out the breast blGflA

My surgery was purely cosmetic. My breasts had degraded as far as they could go. According to the RN at one consultation, “they weren’t going to get any worse”. By degraded I mean that the areolaes covered the entire end of my breasts, my nipples pointed at the ground and my breasts had very little volume. They looked like a couple of pizza slices hanging from my chest wall.

It is not physically possible to put breasts back where they were when you were 18. Skin stretches far too much for that. What they CAN do is add volume. That’s where the implants come in. But there are big differences once the implants are in. Remember, these are foreign objects placed in your body. So they are not going to act like your own natural breasts.

Here’s what I’m talking about when I say “Headlight breasts”. They look like they were pasted on her.

Whether they are saline or silicone, they are not going to feel or act like your own natural tissue. For instance, with a natural breast in a 30+ year old woman, when we lay down, we end up with our breasts migrating towards our armpits. This is commonly referred to as fallout.

It’s just what breasts do after a certain age.

With implants, those puppies aren’t going anywhere. You lay on your back and they stay where they were put. They may move a little but not like real tissue.

This is one reason I advocate for tissue-based reconstruction whether it be TRAM flap or Lat Flap reconstruction for women who have lost their breasts.

The other reason is the feel of the breast. I can only speak from the point of a woman who has had saline implants. You can FEEL the implant through the skin. From my perspective it feels like you’re squeezing a warm, overfilled water bottle.When I poked at them, I could HEAR the saline sloshing sometimes.

My husband says, “They were very hard kind of like groping a hard, squishy melon. Well, something not as hard as melon but not as soft as breast tissue.”. He enjoys my reconstructed breasts much more. The reason he likes the tissue reconstruction better is that “they’re natural. They’re all you”.

The down side to tissue reconstruction is that, on a deep feel, you can feel the edges of the flap. You really have to search for it, but it’s still there. For my husband, there IS no down side now that the flap has softened.

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Posted by Maria_Myrback on February 10, 2010 in anchor breast lift, boob job, breast, breast cancer, breast implants, breast lift, breast reconstruction, breast volume, cosmetic surgery, implants, Latissimus flap, latissimus flap reconstruction, plastic surgery, Reconstruction, Surgery, Uncategorized

Going Mental

04 Feb

Recuperation really IS a long, drawn out process. It is SO much more than physical. I’ve talked about the mental and emotional aspects before as well. It’s a convoluted aspect of healing wherein each state ties in to each of the other. It’s the Gordian Knot of Recuperation.

Here’s an example. I know that I am temporarily satisfied with the Twins. I know that I eventually want nipples. Surgery is just a four letter word right now. The idea of more surgery stresses me out to the point that I almost start crying. On the opposite end of the spectrum, not EVER having the surgery makes me tear up.

The thought of more surgery makes me fearful. I’m terrified of something going wrong and developing necrosis again. I’m also not thrilled with the idea of being cut on again even if it IS only surface work and outpatient surgery. I’m angry that I have to make these decisions in the first place.

I also own that if I had not put myself in this position in the first place I wouldn’t have to be making these decisions. Nor would I be putting my family through everything we have been through since this whole ordeal began.

Regular readers know that I am indecisive. It takes me ages to to come to a final conclusion. Usually I am anxiety ridden about a thing for months, if not years. Making the nipple surgery decision falls into that category without a doubt.

It’s also a very individual decision. I have seen a woman who bought prosthetic nipples without having reconstructive surgery. She felt that even without the mounds, what she missed most was not having nipples. Other women I have spoken to are simply happy with just the mounds and nothing else. Others don’t want to take a chance on a second surgery, so they find prosthetics and still others are so afraid that they don’t do anything at all.

Trying to make the “right” decision is enough to drive you mental. Just make sure that whatever you decide, it’s what YOU want. YOU have to live in your body. No one else does.

Topless

02 Feb

I’ve done the research and I think I’ll be trying this idea out at a local level. Maybe at Daytona Beach first. According to local ordinance in New Orleans, lewd behavior constitutes exposing their genitals, have sex, masturbating, urinating or defecating in public.

The reason I state the local New Orleans law is that I have been considering going topless ever since I got the new Twins. I’m currently investigating what, specifically, constitutes genitalia. Of course there is the obvious penis and vagina. When it comes to women, is it JUST the nipple? Is it the nipple and areolae? How MUCH of the breast can be exposed without falling into the “lewd’ category?

Since I don’t have nipples or areolae, CAN I get away with going topless in public? The woman in this photo was at a “Naked Bike Ride” and did not get arrested.

None of the (nearly) naked people during World Naked Bike Day were arrested. Of course you can tell by looking closely that nothing is showing. So the question becomes this: if I don’t have anything that needs to be covered, do I still have to cover the place where they would be?

I’ve contacted the Daytona Beach police department since this is going to be my test area. I’ll put up an update when I get an answer. And of course, I’ll be announcing my topless adventure when I do it.

UPDATE:When I talked to my DH about going topless last night, he asked an important question. That question being “Why?”. It occurred to me that many readers are probably asking the same question.

It has always been my intention in writing BoobCast to be a support system for other women who have gone through botched plastic surgery. One of the biggest issues I had was not feeling as though I were “normal”. Since I still don’t have nipples and areolae, I’m still not “normal”.

By going topless I want to be a visual example to others that it’s okay to be “in process”. Most importantly, it’s okay to go out in public WHILE you’re in process.

I felt SO self conscious before my breast reconstruction that I didn’t really enjoy being in public much. I was convinced that everyone could see how deformed I was no matter how baggy my clothes were.

It’s also an opportunity to talk about BoobCast and what can happen when plastic surgery goes wrong.

Clothes Shopping-A BoobCast Flashback

31 Jan

Originally written on Oct. 26, 2009

This is another one of those issues that comes with being mostly boob-less. Clothes shopping is frustrating. I feel more comfortable in the Men’s section than the Women’s. The women’s section, even if there is no one else there, is a constant reminder of what I don’t have.

It’s also more difficult to find clothes that fit. Anything that fits tightly across the chest shows the outline of my deformity. And lets face it, most women’s clothing is geared to fit close to the body and accentuate our breasts. Even the camisoles with foam cups give a minor indication that something isn’t quite right because of how the cups move since they’re not filled with breast tissue.

The men’s section offers a better selection of loose-fitting clothes. So I shop at Goodwill because I know that when this is over I can take the clothes back and donate them again. Someone else will be able to get use out of them when it’s all done.

Aside from this mangled thing that once was my chest, I think that shopping in the men’s section is one more reason I just don’t feel feminine. (see other Girly Girl posts).

Now in the movie “Dogma” the character called the Muse talked about how what defines a woman falls between two things…her legs. From a biological standpoint that IS true. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, after all. From a societal standpoint, however, women are judged by their breasts. If I don’t have breasts, am I still really a woman?

Breast cancer patients go through the same thing WHILE fighting a disease that could kill them. That’s why I can’t begin to compare myself to a breast cancer survivor. Not in the physical sense anyway. Mentally we go through much of the same thing. We question if we’re still actually women. We feel diminished; as though we’re somehow not fully human and wonder how our partners will EVER find us attractive again.

Yes, that complicated ball of emotions comes with clothes shopping. In the men’s section.

The 200th Post

18 Jan

As the title says, this is the 200th installment of BoobCast. Today I am writing about you, dear reader. Today’s installment is all about the support and the stories that people have shared with me since I first started this blog on Oct. 11, 2008.

When I first started writing this, I was also fairly active on a website called All About Plastic Surgery (http://www.allaboutplasticsurgery.com). When I posted what had happened to me it didn’t take long before I was inundated by questions about various aspects of the surgery. You can find that entry here: http://boobcast.net/2008/10/14/questions/ People expressed a great deal of concern about how well I had checked out the surgeon, what indications I might have had and what legal recourse I might have taken. During that period so many people gave their support and I am grateful for it. So my thanks goes out to the women of the All About Plastic Surgery forum. They were the ones who inspired the idea for BoobCast.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “Gee Maria, why do you call it BoobCast? Were they wrapped in plaster or something at one point?”

No, dear reader. There are reasons this site is called BoobCast. In 2007 the podcasting community lost a precious member by the name of Joe Murphy. He died of a vicious type of cancer that took him quickly. During his medical treatments he talked in vivid detail about what was going on, the testing and all of it. His strength inspired me. I wanted to be as strong and as brave as Joe Murphy. So I planned to podcast what was going on with my breast necrosis. The name of that podcast was going to be BoobCast.

I never met Joe but his life inspired me. It just turns out that I’m not that strong or that brave. To honor that bravery I have kept the name.

I also owe thanks to a very dear friend, Tee Morris. When I was trying to find the strength to create BoobCast, He was there for me. He gave me mental and emotional support by letting me know that I *could* do it. I’m sorry I disapointed you Tee but want to thank you for being a friend when I needed one.

In the time I’ve been writing BoobCast I have had people email me directly for advice. Of course, after reading the email, my advice was always “Contact your PS (plastic surgeon) and ask for [fill-in-the-blank]. Whether it was about bruising, skin texture or pain, I advised talking to their doctor. If they couldn’t get a decent answer from that doctor, talk to another one.

The one that really broke my heart was the husband of a woman who, a few days previous the email, had the same procedure I had. According to her husband, the pain pills her PS had given her weren’t doing much and she was in constant pain. She couldn’t eat or sleep and she was suffering. I told her husband to call her PS immediately and insist on different pain meds and not take NO for an answer. i explained that, right now it was his job to advocate for his wife since she couldn’t do it herself.

A couple days later I got an email from him saying that her PS had changed her meds and she was doing MUCH better. It’s emails like those that made BoobCast well worth the emotional pain of writing those early posts.

I also want to thank everyone who talked to me about BoobCast at DragonCon last year. Being told in person that I’m making a difference means the world to me. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

Finally, my thanks to Carol Montoya, Lolly Daskal and the Woman At Denny’s. I promise that once I’ve had nipple reconstruction and recuperate from that, I WILL write the book. The foundation is in the works already.

My thanks to you all for reading, commenting and talking to me. Here’s to another 200!

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Posted by Maria_Myrback on January 18, 2010 in anchor breast lift, Anxiety, barter, boob job, Bra Fitting, bra sizes, Bras, breast, breast cancer, breast health, breast implants, breast lift, breast reconstruction, breast size, breast volume, Cash fees, checkup, chemotherapy chemical, clogged surgical drains, communication, complications, compression bra, compression dressing, cortisone, cosmetic surgery, cryotherapy, debreiding, debridement, deformity, dehiscence, Depression, Drain, Drugs, emotional healing, emotional scars, Excise, excise fluid, fear, Flashbacks, flourouracil, Fluid, granular tissue, granulation tissue, Healing, Hospital, Hospital fees, Hosptial Costs, implants, Incisions, Infection, Insurance, interferon, Invisibility, keloid, keloid scars, laser, Latissimus flap, latissimus flap reconstruction, malpractice, mammogram, mastopexy, Medical, Medical Insurance, memory, Nausea, necrosis, negligence, Nipple prosthetics, Nipple reconstruction, Nipples, Pain, Pain Management, plastic surgeon, plastic surgery, Plastic Surgery Disaster, podcast, Post surgical depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Prescription Drug Addiction, Prosthetics, PTSD, radiation, Reconstruction, Recovery, Scars, Seroma, serous fluid, Sex, silicone sheets, situational depression, Sleep, slow healing, suicide, Surgery, Surgical complications, Surgical drains, Surgical Fees, Ta Ta Tuesday, Uncategorized, V.A.C. machine, Vacuum assisted wound closure, wet to dry bandages, wheelchair

The Great Boobie Debate

17 Jan

Wide Set Breasts

This is the great thing about reconstructive and plastic surgery. To some small extent you can personalize your body. Plastic surgery doesn’t allow for you to put your boobs back where they were when you were 16. The lack of skin elasticity and human anatomy doesn’t allow for that. Nor can you have close-set breasts like the example below if you naturally have wide set breasts like the example to the right. Biology plays a large role in the limitations of surgical science.

To some extent you can request what you want in the realm of size but even that has it’s limitations. If you are an A cup, trying to go directly to a DDD cup is simply not possible because the amount of skin and tissue an A cup breast has available is much less than a DDD cup breast. There has to be enough tissue to cover the implant.

There ARE things that we *can* chose though. It just has to be within physical limits. I have decided that I do want to have nipple reconstruction. The articles I have read (I posted these in previous posts) indicate that large nipples tend to collapse in a short period of time. The truth is a reconstructed nipple will never rise and become stiff with stimulation. It is made from breast tissue and not the erectile tissue that natural nipples are made of.

I still cannot find the story and I’m not certain it’s even true. I have read that in Japan, in order to increase protrusion, surgeons implant pearls under the skin. If someone can confirm or deny this, I would really appreciate it. I have also read that nipple piercing increases protrusion. I’d also like to hear from nipple reconstruction patients that have had their nipples pierced in order to improve protrusion

This site gives examples of the various types of nipple enhancement. http://bit.ly/6jiVx8 None of them seem to include a pearl. However there IS mention of cartilage as an implant. I’m going to do more research on that and get back to you.

Close Set breasts

More of The First Two Weeks

12 Jan

This is another BoobCast Flashback episode originally dated Oct. 8, 2009. There are a few more drafts that I will continue to flesh out and post over the next week or so. Then I will really start more on the medical aspects of plastic and reconstructive surgery.

As the days passed, I saw that there were places where the bruising was getting lighter. There were other places that the skin just got darker and turned black. In the black areas, the skin felt a bit like rubber. It was slick but firm, a bit like what a dolphin’s skin feels like. It’s rather like thick, slick rubber if you’ve never petted a dolphin. Normally my skin has a slight grainy texture to it. These areas didn’t.

It was also about two weeks in that I noticed that my chest felt heavy. Yeah, I know. It seems obvious that my chest would feel heavier with two big water balloons shoved under my skin. My chest was insensate though. It wasn’t weight. It was pressure. For those of you who have read previous installments, you know what the cause of the pressure was.

For those who are new, there was a build up of 300ccs of serous fluid in each pocket. At one checkup one of the HiQ’s nurses even pointed out a place about two inches long on the outside of my left breast where it looked like there was a big bubble.

There was also another point where I took off the post surgical bra because I was having difficulty breathing and it felt better without the bra. So my husband called the after-hours line. When we explained to the HiQ what was going on, the doc actually had the nerve to suggest to Ken that I needed a Valium rather than try to figure out what was REALLY happening.

This person had all the bedside manner of flesh eating bacteria and most assuredly suffered from MDiety Syndrome.

HiQ stands for Hack in Question since I can’t legally reveal the doctor’s name.

Out The Door

07 Jan

I was drugged to the gills after I woke up and I don’t remember a whole lot. I remember feeling like the nurses were rushing me. Since the surgery took place at an outpatient center everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get home. I remember being in some pain and having difficulty moving. I remember having vitals taken once and then being bundled up into the stuff I bought to wear back to the hotel. Button-up-the-front PJs and a big, fluffy robe and slippers.

When I was semi-conscious they sent Ken for the car. I felt like they practically shoved me out the door when he brought it around to the side door. I was wheeled from the recovery bay to the door and I felt like I was basically shoved into the vehicle. Getting in was an adventure in pain. And on top of that, it was raining and cold.

Once I had been shoved into the car, I heard the nurse lock the door behind me before Ken even got the car door shut.

I’m pretty sure I fell asleep again on the way to the hotel even though part of the trip was rather jarring. I remember being grateful that we didn’t have to drive all the way to Melbourne.

We got to the hotel and I remember that it took me quite a while to get from the car to the door of the room. I also remember feeling embarrassed that here I was in PJ’s, a robe and slippers in the parking lot outside. The vague image of a bag lady with a shopping cart slipped briefly through my mind as I inched my way towards the side door of the hotel. I still thank the powers of coincidence that I didn’t have to go in through the front door.

I don’t remember much after getting into the hotel room. I know Ken set up pillows for me so that I wouldn’t be lying down. I’m pretty sure I slept for a long time because when I woke up there was pizza in the room. The thought of solid food made me want to hurl so Ken made me soup.

While the soup was cooking I took a few laps around the hotel room because I was told repeatedly not to just lounge around or it would be worse later. So I walked. I had soup and then I went back to sleep. I don’t remember anything else until the next morning. And that, I will talk about tomorrow.

Right now I am cleaning out drafts I have worked on over the last year or so. I want to finish them up before I move on.

This was from August 17th of ’09.

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Posted by Maria_Myrback on January 7, 2010 in anchor breast lift, boob job, breast, breast implants, breast lift, complications, cosmetic surgery, implants, Pain, plastic surgeon, plastic surgery, Plastic Surgery Disaster, Surgery, Surgical complications, Uncategorized

How To Tell?

12 Nov

This post is going to be even more personal that I usually am about my experiences. Those who have issues with bisexuality or sex outside of marriage should skip this post and come back tomorrow for more about dehisience.

First, for anyone that hasn’t read my Twitter or Facebook profile or doesn’t know me personally, I’m bisexual. That means that I am attracted to both men and women. Not ALL men and not ALL women. Just, well, just the ones I think are cute.

When I realize six years ago that I’m attracted to both genders, hubby and I sat down and we had a series of discussions. Several of those discussions covered dating. Thanks to a book called “The Bisexual’s Guide To The Universe” we laid down rules that we were both comfortable with so that I could actually experience what it would be like to be with another woman.

That was four years ago.

I’ve been on a few dates and even had a short term girlfriend. Nothing ever happened though.

Now I’ve met someone and I like her. If things keep progressing I can see where this might go.

But there’s a problem.

I have NO idea how to tell her about what happened. How do you tell someone that you’re…incomplete? I’m sure divorced and single cancer survivors have had to go through this. And I understand that it’s not just something you blurt out.

Nothing puts a damper on a fun evening like “Oh by the way my boobs rotted off, I had to get them reconstructed and in case I haven’t freaked you out enough yet, I have no nipples.”.

Yeah. THAT’S a real show stopper.

I don’t want to just give her my blog URL either. That’s a WHOLE lot of trauma right there as my regular readers know. And I REALLY like this woman. I don’t want to scare her away.

I’m thinking that if or when this turns romantic, that’s when I’ll tell her. But I have to tell her soon enough that it doesn’t seem like I’m keeping secrets but not so soon that I scare her off. She’s had to deal with enough medical crap herself lately as it is.

As for the actual telling part, I’ve learned that starting with the phrase “We need to talk.” or “There’s something I have to tell you”. usually sets someone on edge. I need to find an opener that will set her at ease. Maybe “There’s something I want to trust you with”. Perhaps “Can I confide in you?”.

I guess this is just something I’m going to have to work on. I’ve got about a week before I see her next, so I have a bit of time. Trust me, you all will probably hear about this again.

After all you already know that Ken enjoys the Twins and he doesn’t seem to care that I don’t have nipples yet. But that’s because my first set was so sensitive that he couldn’t really do anything with them anyway. This is definitely a different twist to this tale though.

The ER – Pt. 2

11 Nov

Let’s hope I can finish this part of the story tonight. I genuinely feel like I’m going to throw up. It’s amazing how visceral my reactions still are even after all this time.

By this point I was absolutely furious but I felt totally helpless to do anything. The news that I couldn’t be stitched back up was devastating. Couple that with the results of the culture and I was even more of a basket case than before. The culture discovered five different types of bacteria: three of which the tech never even heard of. So they put up a bag of the most badass antibiotics they had.

Unfortunately about 1/2 way through the bag I started getting EXTREMELY itchy. My throat started swelling a few minutes later and it became a bit difficult to breathe. Well Ken called the nurse and within a minute or so he had a syringe of something in the IV. He SLAMMED the plunger in and within moments I felt like I was going to pass out.

I got tunnel vision and then the tunnel started narrowing. My body felt very heavy and I felt like I was being pushed down. I told the nurse that I thought I was going to pass out. His reply was “Isn’t it a good thing you’re in the hospital then?”.

So…yeah. I was allergic to the first antibiotic. So they put up something else really badass and I was off again. This one made me a little itchy too so the nurse injected a little syringe of something else. This time much more slowly. In a matter of moments I was doing just fine and made it through the entire bag.

After a bag and a half of serious antibiotics, they also made an appointment for me with an infection specialist. Then one of the nurses packed my chest and they sent me home.

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Posted by Maria_Myrback on November 11, 2009 in anchor breast lift, Anxiety, boob job, breast health, breast lift, complications, cosmetic surgery, dehiscence, Depression, Hospital, mastopexy, plastic surgeon, plastic surgery, Plastic Surgery Disaster, situational depression, Surgery, Surgical complications, Uncategorized

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Boobcast

Category Archives: breast lift

Fallout – The Implant Difference

Going Mental

Topless

Clothes Shopping-A BoobCast Flashback

The 200th Post

The Great Boobie Debate

More of The First Two Weeks

Out The Door

How To Tell?

The ER – Pt. 2

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