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Category Archives: breast

Holy Crap! I Felt That!

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest gossip here on Boobcast, you know that yesterday I went in to Dr. Elliott’s office for a second round of areolae and nipple tattooing. It went SO much faster than the first time. The PA who did the tattooing said that the reason it took less time is because I already had pigment deposited under the skin. So instead of a two hour session like the first time, I was only in for about 45 minutes from the time I walked in to the time I left.

I had Ken take a few photos so that you can get an idea of what was going on. The first photo is the “Before” and you can see that I only had a little bit of pigment left from the first round in August of 2010.

The second photo below is an image of the actual tattooing. I have explained the process before, but for anyone not familiar, this is different from the kind of tattooing that is done at a tattoo studio. At a tattoo studio, the gun actually injects the dye under the skin. With medical tattooing, the pigment is applied and then the gun she is holding is run over the area to be tattooed and the skin is abraded so that the dye sinks in under the skin.

This type of tattooing takes a great deal more aftercare than a tattoo from a studio requires. With your standard tattoo, you probably won’t lose any of the tattoo if there is scabbing. With a medical tattoo, it’s just the opposite. With a medical tattoo, you MUST keep it moist with Vasaline because if it dries out and scabs up, the flaking of the scab will take the pigment right off with the scab. So for the next few weeks, Vasaline, gauze and paper tape are my best friends.

With either type of tattoo, a major consideration is how the scar tissue will take the ink. Scar tissue absorbs ink differently because of its composition. Sometimes it takes really well but most of the time, it ends up like the “Before” photo. Thus, people usually have to do more than one round of tattooing.

Below you can see what the application process looks like. She has already applied the pigment and is abrading the skin. This is where things got interesting. Last time all I felt was pressure. THIS time, however, was different on my right breast. I had more sensation from the vibration of the gun. AND in a few spots, I actually had

NORMAL sensation. My regular readers may recall that I have a couple other tattoos. Yes they were uncomfortable to get but one of them has a great story and the other commemorates this very difficult part of my life.

There were some areas that felt like she was briefly touching a smouldering matchhead to those spots. It stabbed and burnt like a regular tattoo would. It got SO intense I actually had to ask for a break!

Please understand that I am, in no way, shape or form, complaining. I’m THRILLED!!! After so much time being numb, I actually had real, authentic sensation!! I actually said “Holy crap! I FELT that!” when she started on that side. I’m SO excited that, after all this time, my nerves are regrowing enough that I could experience full, normal sensation. I was even happier when she told me that she recently did a touch up for a woman four years out from her reconstruction and that woman had FULL SENSATION! So there’s hope!! I cannot begin to express just how excited I am by this new level of sensation. Yes it was pain but after a year and a half of numbness, pain was a welcome friend.

I Set A Date

08 Nov

In my last post I talked about finally understanding exactly WHY I was so afraid of having the next round of tattooing done. It went back to when I had the debrideing done and the cadaver skin bandage and general just being in the chair in the first surgeon’s office. I was still having traumatic memories related to those moments.

Now that I understand it was related to that man and those experiences I can face tattooing, knowing that all i have to do is keep reminding myself that the tattooist is not him; that this is making things better and the Twins are just fine.

It’s kind of like being a rape survivor. You tell yourself that the person you are with is not the one who hurt you. You focus on the new doctor, breathing deeply, making small talk to distract yourself and and telling yourself over and over again that you are safe. I say this from personal experience, not only from a surgury-gone-wrong standpoint, but also from a rape standpoint.

Like the title says, I set a date for the second, and hopefully final round of tattooing. I’ll be in Atlanta on November 21 and my appointment is for 4 pm. As is par for the course, I’ll have Ken take a few photos so you get the idea of what it’s like.

If you would like to learn more about medical tattooing, please visit here. You can also use the search feature to the right to find all my entries dealing with this part of the process.

Four Years And Still In Mourning

12 Oct

Today I gave a pep talk to a woman I admire in hopes that some of my own life experience might help her. She is having problems with both men and women who feel that it is okay to say cruel and hateful things to her simply because they disagree with her. The tone of her initial post felt like she was about ready to throw in the towel on doing the work she enjoys because of these hateful people. So I posted the following to her:

I want to tell you a story and I hope this helps you get your feet under you a bit better. Several years ago, back before I was a skeptic and before I had a decent sense of self worth, I had a boob job. I hated the way they looked after breastfeeding two kids and I thought that, as I approached the age of 40, it would make me feel better about myself.

I ended up developing necrosis due to unconfirmed surgical complications and I lost both of my nipples and areolae. I don’t know if there’s a worse experience than watching your own intimate body parts rot away but if there is, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

There’s much more to the story which you can read on http://boobcast.com if you are interested.

About a year after my chest healed, (I was severely deformed and required two reconstruction surgeries which i have long since had, to rousing success) I was finally in a mental state to start writing about what happened to me. I was bound and determined to write about it because if I DIDN’T write about it publicly, then, in my mind, the hack that did this to me would win.

That wouldn’t do.

There were SO many times when I had to stop in the middle of writing a post and go have a good, long cry. But I did it. I did it because I REFUSED to let my situation dictate my life. I refused to let what others told me change what I truly thought was the right thing to do.

Boobcast has made a real difference in women’s lives. I get regular emails telling me as much. I talk to women regularly who are scared and in need of reassurance and advice. I’m so very grateful I can do that.

When I was a little girl my father told me to “Stand and fight if you believe you’re right”. I learned determination from my mother who, after a motorcycle accident that left her in ICU for six months, taught herself to walk again when doctors said she never would.

Believe me when I tell you that I know it’s hard. I know it’s disheartening and some days you just want to give up and let the world go to Hell in its own little monogrammed handbasket. And some day you may decide you’ve had enough and that’s okay.

But please don’t let THEM make that decision for you.

I really hope that helps her. She’s doing good work in the skeptical and critical-thinking community and I would hate to see her give up because of all the hate mail and awful things people say about her in the blogosphere.

Unfortunately, this good deed of mine seems to have had some emotional backlash. I realized that even though Boobcast is doing good work, I am still in mourning for my loss. It has been four years as of yesterday since that first surgery and it still hurts emotionally. Not to the degree it used to, but it’s still a visceral pain. I feel nauseous remembering what I went through. I have tears in my eyes remembering what it was like and I wonder if I will ever completely heal emotionally from this.

I have had people suggest that I just walk away from Boobcast for a while. I can’t do that. Women email me regularly asking questions and seeking advice. I know what it’s like to be that terrified so abandoning the thing I have created here is not an option.

The upside is that where there were once great, wracking sobs, there are now just tears and a dull ache. Four years seems like forever and a single heartbeat at the same time. I guess I’m healing. They keep telling me that healing takes time. It’s just taking so long. I know that it will never be truly over because I will always bear the scars of reconstruction as a reminder. I will also always be here for others going through this nightmare.

I can’t abandon my post as long as I’m needed.

It has also been suggested that I start talking to women’s groups about what I have experienced. With the settlement I have, I’m not sure I can do that, but I’m looking in to it. The recent cease and desist letter I got about my comments on the Complaints Board scares the Hell out of me. We’re having a lawyer look at that to make sure that it only pertains to the settlement and not the case itself. If that is the case and it only pertains to the settlement, I will probably start doing that.

In the mean time, life continues on. I still need to have one last round of tattooing done and hopefully that will be it for the medical stuff. I’m thinking that perhaps I’ll do it in November or December, depending on the tattooists schedule. I’ll post when I have something concrete.

My Legal Settlement

17 Sep

Earlier today I received the following email from a regular reader here at the blog. For personal reasons, the reader has asked that they be kept anonymous.

Maria,

In your blog, you said you signed papers with your doctor not to name them. Did you have a settlement? Did you have the option not to settle, instead spread their name all over? Or did an attorney advice you about libel or defamation?

If you can comment without naming the doctor, much appreciated.

I have written before about how I tried to deal with the legal ramifications of what happened to me. I also wrote about the settlement that currently binds me from mentioning the name of the surgeon. HOWEVER, before I agreed to the settlement that prohibits me and my “agents” from mentioning the surgeon’s name, I wrote a few posts. Those are listed below in my response to the reader’s questions.

Dear Reader;

I am, unfortunately, also bound from talking about the terms of the settlement as well. I DID have the option not to settle. At that point I was deeply clinically depressed and traumatized. I didn’t want that person to have anything to do with my medical care any more. I would start shaking every time I had an appointment. I just wanted it to be over with so I went with the first available way out.

People keep telling me that I’m brave. This is one of those instances where I was not. I DID put up a synopsis of what happened on the Complaints Board [Editor's Note: This post has been edited on advice from my lawyer.Please visit the link for details]

I never spoke to a lawyer about defamation, but I was a journalist so I know that once I signed those papers, I am legally bound, along with my “agents”, not to reveal his name. HOWEVER, those two links were written up before the contract went into effect.

Here is where things get interesting. I just happened to notice that a person I am presuming is the doctor in question or one of the 2-3 staff members familiar with the case (aka one of his “agents”), made a brief response to my initial post on the Complaints Board. I am presuming this because of the use of the phrase “ridiculous herbal remedy’ in the response. That is FAR too personal to have been written by someone just reading entries on the complaints board.

And so, dear reader, I am going to war. For some reason I am having technical difficulties logging on and making a response to that accusation. Once I do, you all may want to stop by for a look because I can guarantee that things are going to get very, VERY interesting.

This surgeon does not know with whom he is messing. He’s about to find out.

Going Topless – The Double Standard

17 Apr

A friend sent me an article about a group of women who marched topless in Portland on April 3rd. Why, you ask? To protest the double standard that allows men to walk around shirtless while women are forced under penalty of law to keep covered.

I understand better now just how breast-centric American society is. That became pretty obvious when I read some of the comments to the above article. What angers me is the level of apathy, ignorance, bigotry and just plain stupidity cloaked as humor in those comments.

The point of the protest was to bring awareness of the double standard that exists. Men can go topless exposing their nipples which are genitalia. Any man who has had his nipples simulated during sex knows this. Yet women, because men supposedly can’t control themselves, are legally made to stay covered. What’s the difference between that and Muslim women who are made to stay covered?

One of the best lines ever written in one of my favorite web comics, Jesus and Mo, is “Thank you for not provoking my uncontrollable lust.”. In that particular issue Mo (Mohamed) talks about how women are responsible for a mans inability to control his own sexual urges.

It’s not just comments from men, either. One woman actually wrote “What did they expect?” when an organizer was angry about being oogled. From a certain perspective I can understand her response. But from another, that’s the same sort of mentality that rape victims got in the past when they dressed in a provocative manner. “What did she expect?”.

THAT pisses me off to no end. It’s that level of ignorance that keeps women from being completely equal to men. When our own gender spouts that level of ignorance I have to wonder just how much progress we’ve actually made.

2 Comments

Posted by Maria_Myrback on April 17, 2010 in breast, equal rights, Uncategorized

Aches and Pains

13 Apr

A year out from breast reconstruction I am still having the odd occasional ache or pain. Most of the time it’s in my chest but sometimes my remaining latissimus muscles will cramp up for no apparent reason.

For instance, last Thursday evening we were at DisneyWorld. We have annual passes so we’re somewhere on property pretty frequently. After walking around the property of a house we’re very interested in buying we headed over to the park. By the time we got there my chest was aching.

On the 1 to 10 pain scale it was only about a 3 but something like that hadn’t happened in quite a while. It had been at least two months. My upper chest was tender to the touch and the muscles around my cleavage ached to the point that I wished I had some Tylenol. It was bizarre.

The pains I spoke of earlier are nerve pains. It feels like someone is poking me with a long, thin pin. Unfortunately this has been an ongoing situation. They tend to crop up suddenly in either my chest or my back. At the beginning it was all my chest. More recently it has been more in my back.

Before my father-in-law passed at the beginning of last month I had been training using the Couch to 2K program. A few weeks into the program I got a pinched nerve in, of all places, my right breast. Which is weird considering the skin on most of the breast is numb but the tissue underneath has sensation.

Right now as I type this, I have minor nerve pains in my left breast and the right side of my back aches. I walk such a fine line with activity. If I do too much, I ache, if I don’t do enough, I ache.

Of course the discomfort is minor in comparison to the first time I got out of bed right after surgery. That hurt worse than labor even WITH the morphine. I just would have thought that by now I’d be past nerve pain and back aches.

Only time will tell how much more I’ll recover.

Nerve Damage With Breast Augmentation

10 Apr

With any type of surgery you can expect to lose some sensation. Sometimes it’s just temporary. Sometimes the nerves are just so damaged that there’s no way you’ll regain all the feeling you had before. Breast surgery is one of those situations where you will never be the same.

Even if you have a transumbilical breast augmentation (TUBA) there will be some nerve damage. Nerves get torn, cut or separated causing a loss of sensation. There can be wide swaths of numb areas. It depends on what type of surgery you have as to how much nerve damage and loss of sensitivity there is.

There are three major types of incisions used in a breast augmentation:

Periareolar – This incision is the most concealed, but is associated with a higher likelihood of inability to successfully breast feed, as compared to the other incision sites. The incision is placed at the bottom half of the areolae. Consider that there will most likely be severe reduction in nipple sensation with this type of implant insertion.

Inframammary – This incision is less concealed than the periareolar and associated with less difficulty than the periareolar incision site when breast-feeding. This incision is placed in the underside crease of the breast. The reduction in nipple sensation probably won’t be as severe with this type of implant insertion. Consider that a big bag of water is being shoved up under the muscle or skin. There WILL be some reduction in breast sensation.

Axillary – This incision is less concealed than the periareolar and associated with less difficulty than the periareolar incision site when breast feeding. This incision is placed in the armpit. The loss of nipple sensation won’t be as severe as with the periareolear, but again, you’re having a big water bag shoved under the skin or muscle. There will be loss of sensation.

No matter what type of insertion you have for breast augmentation, there WILL be some nerve damage. Whether it is temporary or permanent is an individual experience.

4 Comments

Posted by Maria_Myrback on April 10, 2010 in boob job, breast, breast health, breast implants, breast lift, complications, conformity, cosmetic surgery, education, Healing, implants, Incisions, mastopexy, nerve damage, plastic surgeon, plastic surgery, post-surgical, Recovery, recuperation, scar tissue, Scars, Surgery, Surgical complications, Uncategorized

Excise Necrosis

08 Apr

I have been re-reading comments from my Breast Necrosis Photos article and I realized that I have to address this topic in MUCH more depth. I gave this article such a vague title because a couple commenters on the aforementioned article used the term “excise” for the non-surgical removal of necrotic breast tissue.

Excise means “to remove by cutting”. That is the least common use of the word “excise”. It also means to erase or remove by crossing out. I’m not sure how many surgeons are actually using the word “excise” in relation to the actual removal of necrotic tissue.

My experience was different. The nurses always used the term “Debridement” when talking about removing my necrotic tissue. Debridement is defined as : surgical removal of foreign material and dead tissue from a wound.

So I suppose you could say they mean the same thing. The definition of debridement, in my opinion, sounds much less violent and painful. I’m guessing that’s why more medical professionals use it instead of excising. No one wants to have things cut off of us. It conjures up really frightening imagery.

I know it sounds downright terrifying to be told that your surgeon is going to remove the necrotic tissue. I know this because I was terrified beyond belief, myself. I want to reassure you, dear reader, that it does NOT hurt. It is in NO WAY painful. And while the entire situation is horrendous beyond my ability to describe, you will not feel anything beyond a tugging or pulling sensation while it is being done.

My advice: Don’t look while it’s being done. Bring your MP3 player and listen to something that will keep your focus off the process. Focus on breathing deeply and slowly. Think about something that makes you feel calm and at ease…a favorite vacation spot or a happy memory. Put all your focus on that.

The Procedure: The day I had my debridement done I came in to the exam room and they had me sit in the big chair with the surgical-style light over it. It looks kind of like a dentists chair but more comfortable.

To my right was a tray with a few instruments: Forceps, surgical scissors, a kidney-shaped tray, gauze, a scalpel and a few other things. The scalpel scared the hell out of me because I was anticipating pain already.

When the scalell was unpackaged from it’s sterile holder, I closed my eyes and started breathing deeply, focusing on trying not to cry or panic. Then they turned on the very bright surgical light above me. The nurse told me very softly that they were starting and all I was going to feel was some tugging. She urged me to try to relax and reassured me that it would be over with soon.

She was right. Since the tissue they removed was dead, there was nothing (no nerves) to transmit pain signals. I heard the occasional metallic snip of surgical scissors and felt some tugging and pulling, but there was NO PAIN.

As terrifying as debridement or excise sounds, as horrifying as having dead tissue removed from my body was, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it sounded. When it was all over there was a bed of healthy tissue so that I could start healing properly without the interference of the necrotic tissue.

1 Comment

Posted by Maria_Myrback on April 8, 2010 in Anxiety, breast, breast necrosis, complications, debridement, Excise, necrosis, Necrotic tissue, Plastic Surgery Disaster, Uncategorized

Flashing In The French Quarter

07 Apr

This weekend I did what I’ve been wanting to do for two years. I EARNED beads in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

For those of you not familiar, the French Quarter is where the call of “Show your tits” is heard nearly as frequently as “Throw me somethin’ mister!”. It is the home of Mardi Gras and a place where you can walk down the street with a beer or something else alcoholic in hand and no one cares because french law still applies there.

How did I “earn” beads, you ask? I flashed. Yes, I flashed. I exposed the Twins to about 100 people if you count everyone on all the balconies that I flashed up to. I did it more than once to see if anyone would notice that something is missing.

What STILL amazes me is that not once did I get “What the HELL happened to you??” as I was expecting. My regular readers know that I have not had nipple reconstruction yet. I also still have fairly visible scars where the latissimus flap muscle/skin/fat was inserted. So of course I thought that at least ONE person would say something or ask a question. Apparently I was wrong.

The closest I got to a comment was a woman who yelled “Thank you!” after I flashed. Now maybe from up on the balcony at night no one could see that I have no nipples. That doesn’t explain why there was no reaction from the one small group on street level that I flashed.

Below is a photo of my bead acquisitions from that one night. Not all of those were gotten from flashing. Some people were just throwing beads to have fun throwing them. So you CAN get beads without flashing for them.

1 Comment

Posted by Maria_Myrback on April 7, 2010 in breast, flashing, French Quarter, Uncategorized

My Adventures In Flashing

03 Apr

It’s Spring Break! It’s also our 13th wedding anniversary on the 4th. Hubby and I are in New Orleans celebrating said anniversary as this article posts. WooHoo!!!

As many of my long-term readers know, I have been wanting to engage in random toplessness since I got the Twins a year ago on the 16th. Now I have my chance! I plan on flashing the Twins as much as I possibly can while in the French Quarter. I’m even tempted to flash in front of a cop.

Why, you ask? First of all, I am SO ecstatic to have breasts again that, even after a year, I just want to share the love with everyone.

Second, it is not illegal to show them because I don’t have nipples. Breasts, in and of themselves, do not qualify as sexual organs. Nipples, however, do. And because I have no nipples, I’m not violating any statutes by showing my breasts.

Third, I fully expect double and triple takes BECAUSE I have no nips. I’m hoping people, even in their drunken stupors, will ask the big question “What the hell happened to YOU??” At which point I can educate them on the dangers and risks of plastic surgery.

Fourth, my boobs are already on the internet so I don’t care if there are more photos that get taken and put up.

So it’s a combination of pride and a desire to educate that’s leading me to rampantly flash strange, drunken men in hopes that women will see, too. I almost wish I would have gone when I was still mangled. THAT would have scared drunken frat boys into sobriety.

I’ll report on this adventure afterward. Or I’ll be tweeting from jail (My main Twitter is @Herbwoman). Either way you’ll hear about it.

2 Comments

Posted by Maria_Myrback on April 3, 2010 in breast, flashing, French Quarter, New Orleans, Nipples, Uncategorized

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